I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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