Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
