weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
