Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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