He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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