yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
