I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
