i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
3 2 1 whiskey
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
