do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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