This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
