Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
