so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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