Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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