The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
