I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
