Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
