we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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