THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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