I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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