Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
