the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
