Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
