having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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