He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
