not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
