More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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