I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
