tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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