I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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