No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
