I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Success! We fucked roommates!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
