suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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