I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
