don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
