$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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