Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
