We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
