At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
