I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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