the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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