My liver just broke up with me...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
