apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
