SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
