my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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