I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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