Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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