My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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