wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
