did you get engaged???
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
