you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
