I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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