Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ketchup is God's man juice
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
